And now I shall reflect on some of the things I learnt from the year that was 2006:

1. Global warming seems to be a bit of an “issue”. According to Dennis Quaid, an important US climatologist, the worst is yet to come. Watch out for those super-cells, they are especially nasty. So let’s all recycle. Good.

2. Terrorists are never Americans. It’s really that simple.

3. Jack Bauer would make a great president. Everything squared up in 24 hours. When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists. Jack Bauer hates lemonade. Yah, that’s right. Most pilots need 5,000 feet of runway to land a plane. Jack Bauer needs 100 feet and a gun. Jack Bauer doesn’t speak any foreign languages, but he can make any foreigner speak English in a matter of minutes.

4. Pluto: Still a cartoon dog, but not a planet. After failing to comply with Celestial Body Classification #3 the object has cleared the neighborhood around its orbit, Pluto was demoted to “dwarf planet” status. Crap. Now what am I gonna do with my grade 7 science project?

5. We are only as sick as the alien inside us. Quick grab your e-meter and release your inner thetan! Besides being a super way to meet A-listers, “Scientology is the only specific cure for radiation burns.” Wow. Impressive. What else L. Ron? “Arthritis vanishes, myopia gets better, heart illness decreases, asthma disappears, stomachs function properly and the whole catalogue of illnesses goes away and stays away.” I know my stomachs are already feeling better just listening to your words. Healing power. Praise Xenu!

5. We should all thank youtube for finding a useful medium for glitchy 5-year old web cameras and their pasty teenage basement-dwelling owners.

6. Mac or PC? Microsoft answers the age-old debate with the Zune. Nice One. Really.

Happy 2007!

Today I am happy to present the first Chapter in my Photography Series: “Crooks and Crannies” entitled: Chapter 1: Unsettling (Part 1).

Introduction to “Unsettling”:

The holiday season is a busy time for ferry traffic. That’s why the good folks at BC Ferries have upped the number of ferries “in play” between Swartz Bay and Tsawwassen. You know what that means. The addition of the oh-so-popular “in-between” ferries! After missing the 5 o’clock ferry, we were lucky enough to catch the 6 o’clock holiday “in between-er” ferry, the Queen of Vancouver. This deluxe edition ferry, built in 1962, has a super sweet arcade featuring at least 4 games (tons of fun), a sun deck (lovely in December), a bevy of tourism brochures (useful), and a roomy White Spot slop-n-drop restaurant sandwiched between rust and dirt (nice). Although it was quite a delightful ride across the Straight, I must say that I found a few things quite unsettling.

Nothing gets you more in the spirit of Christmas than a trip on the Tsawassen-Swartz Bay Ferry. I can hardly wait to dig into my White Spot pirate pack. I look forward to seeing everyone in Victoria.

A big congratulations to my mum on her retirement day. I think 40+ years is long enough. Good! Now you have time for the good stuff: Relaxing, traveling, and cleaning your bird bath. Remember, there are doors opening everywhere. I think Dr. Phil said that.

Congratulations to Ry on his UBC MMSI graduation day. We’ll have to find room on the walls to put up another certificate of achievement.
Not on my walls though.
Find your own.

Cuba: A remote and fascinating region teeming with extraordinary marine life. We chose the mysterious waters just in front of our resort, mainly due to the relative convenience of it. This was our most ambitious adventure to date.

Before I become an international celebrity for my stellar interpretation of ancient blood lust, I think it’s appropriate to take a look back at my humble beginnings in the spotlight.

At the tender age of 18, I was plucked out of my life as an ordinary UVIC student and thrust into the limelight of fame that is the “BC Transit Bus Girl”.

I won’t lie to you and say that the transition to a province-wide transportation celebrity was easy. I was no longer a face in a sea of disgruntled left-wing students. I was now a recognizable face, a bus legend in the making. Immediately, my new celebrity ’status’ changed my simple ways. I was constantly cornered in the university hallways and hassled for autographs.

“Hey! Aren’t you the girl… (looks at bus guide).. on the bus guide? Oh yah!! (holds guide up to my face) Yah, that’s definitely you! (pause) Did you know you were on the bus guide? Ha ha”

All this newly found fame and fortune took its toll on me. Taking the bus to school everyday became a painful experience. Oh the shame I felt when I stood at the bus stop waiting for the No. 4. I could feel the piercing stares of the passengers as I walked the long squeaky path to the end of the bus where I could shield my face from their mockery. I took to wearing a lot of large sunglasses and sun hats that year. ‘Blending’ was my key objective.

But how was I to blend or be at peace in my inner temple when people considered me the “Ambassador of BC Transit”.

“Hey Bus Girl! When does the Number 14 arrive?”
“What bus do I take to get to Tillicum Mall?”
“공항에게 나를 데려가십시요?”

I don’t know. I don’t work for BC transit. I’m just a student here like you. I don’t speak Chinese. The problems didn’t stop there. I was also blamed for inconsistencies in transportation scheduling and fare increases.

“Hey Bus Girl! Why is the bus always late?”
“This bus smells funny”
“$1.75! Doesn’t the government have enough of my money! And you expect me to pay 25cents to look at your stupid face” (Me: “The bus guide is free”) “Whatever.”

The worst was when the buses went on strike and people threw food in my hair.

For those of you unable to post comments due to your non-blogger status, I am sorry. I sure ‘googled’ it up. Everything is ’squared-up’ and ready to go. Post away!

While preparing for the role of soul-sucking Akiimu the Great, I have found myself contemplating the thick murky soup of evil. Evil ‘Super’ Villains like Dark Lords, Vampires, Demons, and the author of the Da Vinci Code. What makes you tick Evil thing? Were you turned over to the dark side or did you choose it?

And so I ask you to help me solve this most pertinent question:

Who is the most Evil?

Lord Voldemort
Professor Snape
the “Others”
Sauron
bad aliens (in general)
bad machines (like PCs or terminators, in general)
Cylons
Darth Vader
Gargamel
Skeletor
Lex Luthor
Akasha
Wolfram and Heart
Angelus
the Mayor
the “First”
Tony Soprano
Arvin Sloan
Sherry Palmer
Rasputin
Teri Hatcher
__________ (insert evil villain here)

For Monday’s audition I must transform myself into a girl who has had her soul displaced by “Akiimu”, an ancient Babylonian spirit who wreaks havoc and murder wherever she goes. Apparently, ol’ Akiimu likes to hang out at sweet bars, make out with biker dudes, and dance to cheesy power ballads. There really is no accounting for taste.